


need

by casdoms (moffwithhishead)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode Tag, Love Confessions, M/M, almost character death (he doesn't die and he's fine), mentions of 9.03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:56:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6324580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moffwithhishead/pseuds/casdoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dean Dean Dean...” He shakes his head almost fondly, grinning across the fire at him, “Do you really think this is gonna hold me?” </p><p>“I -” Dean’s voice catches for half a second and he has to pause to clear his throat before trying again. </p><p>“I’m not counting on it holding you for long,” he admits, his voice sounding more sure and steady than he feels. “Just long enough to talk to Cas.” </p><p>Lucifer lets out a surprised bark of a laugh, his grin spreading even more, “You think poor little Castiel is still in here?” He walks up to the edge of the fire and offers Dean a sympathetic smile, “Do you see my face? Do you really think he’s still alive?” </p><p>Dean’s heart is beating a mile a minute. “Yes.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	need

**Author's Note:**

> this came to me in the shower and ironically enough, I didn't work the line that originally inspired this into it.
> 
> essentially episode 11.21 speculation. mentions of 9.03. there's a point when dean is convinced cas is dead (he isn't). lucifer sucks. dean is desperate.

_"You say you’ll be there for me when I need you._  
 _I need you now,_  
 _I need you everyday for the rest of my life,_  
 _I need you to be the first thing I see every morning when I wake up,_  
 _And I need you to be the last thing I see every night before I go to sleep,_  
 _I need you to get your sh*t together,_  
 _I need to see you be happy,_  
 _I need to see you laugh and dance and sing and paint and write,_  
 _I need to see you walk your_ _dog in the park,_

 

* * *

 

  
As soon as the ring of holy fire springs up, Dean forgets to breathe.

He’s face to face with Lucifer. Alone. In a big, empty shipyard with piles of sulfur a few yards behind him and the ocean behind Lucifer. Behind Cas. 

“Well,” Lucifer chuckles tiredly as he looks at his temporary prison, “That’s certainly a plot twist.” 

Dean swallows nervously and tries to pretend he’s just talking to Lucifer - not Lucifer wearing Castiel’s rapidly deteriorating body. Tries to pretend this is back when the apocalypse could still happen and that Cas is waiting down the street to fly in when he needs him. 

Lucifer chuckles again but this time it sounds more amused.

“Dean Dean Dean...” He shakes his head almost fondly, grinning across the fire at him, “Do you really think this is gonna hold me?” 

“I -” Dean’s voice catches for half a second and he has to pause to clear his throat before trying again. 

“I’m not counting on it holding you for long,” he admits, his voice sounding more sure and steady than he feels. “Just long enough to talk to Cas.” 

Lucifer lets out a surprised bark of a laugh, his grin spreading even more, “You think poor little Castiel is still in here?” He walks up to the edge of the fire and offers Dean a sympathetic smile, “Do you see my face? Do you _really_ think he’s still alive?” 

Dean’s heart is beating a mile a minute. “ ** _Yes_**.” 

Lucifer just raises an eyebrow at him before gesturing across the field, “Well then... give it your best shot.” His expression turns creepier and creepier by the second, and Dean is viscerally reminded of [the Grinch](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c237/RogueLemon/grinchsmile.jpg).  “I’m always looking for new entertainment.” 

Dean grits his teeth, his fists balling up at his sides. He’s got an angel blade tucked into his pocket but he has no real intention to use it.

This will work. This _has to_ work. 

“Cas,” he starts, his voice a little shaky, “I know why you did this.”

Lucifer crosses his arms over his chest and Dean resists the urge to growl.

“I know that you -” Dean lets out a nervous breath and his shoulders droop a little, “I know that you felt like you were **_expendable_**. Like we didn’t need you or some stupid shit.” 

“Wow,” Lucifer comments dryly, “Touching.” 

“Bite me, asshole,” Dean snaps back, his nostrils flaring. 

It takes him a few seconds to calm down before he tries again.

“I’ve been there Cas, remember? I’m fucking biblically acquainted with that feeling. Been there, done that, designed, sold _and_ bought the fucking t-shirts.” He looks up at the night sky and tries to pick his words carefully, “I know why you said yes. It’s the same reason I sold my soul, the same reason Sam drank demon blood, the same reason he took on the trials, the same reason I took on the Mark.” 

The air feels thin where they’re standing and Dean has to let out slow, even breaths to keep going. 

“Because I felt useless. It felt like everything I touched - everything I did - just ruined... everything.” Dean laughs humorlessly and looks over at Lucifer for a moment before shaking his head, “And I figured that, shit - if I die? That would solve all of our problems. And even better, if I die and I happen to take out one of the bad guys on my way down...?” 

Dean holds his hands out to the side and shrugs helplessly, “At least I did something, you know? At least I wasn’t fucking useless anymore. At least I couldn’t fuck anything else up for you or Sam.” 

Lucifer starts pacing around the inside of the ring, chuckling darkly, “Oh look at that... you woke him up.” 

Something deep in Dean’s chest aches to reach out and touch and he has to stop himself from moving forward. 

“I’m not mad at you, man. I was never mad at you.” He makes himself look Lucifer - Cas - in the eyes and swallows down how fucking terrified he is. 

“You’re not expendable, Cas. You’re not useless. You never have been.” Dean takes a step closer to the ring, his heartbeat ramping up again, “Me and Sammy could never have done any of the things we’ve done without you. You’re my best friend, you dick. You’re the opposite of expendable. You fucking **_matter_** , Cas.” 

His voice cracks on the second to last word, his stomach rolling in terrified waves. 

“We need you, Cas... I need you. Okay?” Dean feels the tears rolling down his cheeks and quickly reaches up to wipe them off, “Man I really, really fucking need you. So you’ve gotta reach way down deep in that Grace of yours and you gotta kick this son of a bitch out.” 

Lucifer whips around from where he’s stopped pacing to glare at Dean, “I resent that.” 

“Shut. The Fuck. UP.” Dean grits out through clenched teeth, his knuckles turning white from his fists being clenched for so long. 

Dean breathes for a moment before dropping his voice to a softer volume, “Cas... I know you’re tired, man. I know you’re scared and probably beat to shit right now... And I know you’re beating yourself up over this.” 

He opens his eyes, not having realized he closed them, “But I **_need_** you. I need you here. With me. Safe and fighting the good fight right next to me...

...I love you, okay? So I’m gonna need you to come home now, Cas.” 

Dean swallows, ignoring the way his stomach rolls, “ ** _Please_**.” 

Lucifer just watches him for a second before he starts laughing. He throws his head back, laughing with his whole body and Dean’s stomach lurches at the sight. 

“Oh man,” Lucifer breathes out through his laughs and wipes his face off after a few minutes, “Oh man, you two are a fucking _disaster_ , you know that?” 

When he calms down he turns to smile at Dean, and it would almost look sympathetic if it wasn’t for the fact that his eyes were still twinkling with mirth, “Congratulations. You woke him up... but you’re right. He’s tired.”

Lucifer comes right up to the edge of the ring again and gets in Dean’s face, “He’s **_dying_**.” 

Dean’s heart drops at that but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t look away from him.

“Castiel was _weak_ ,” Lucifer hisses, any traces of amusement gone. “He was broken before he met you but you _shattered_ him.” He reaches across the fire and grabs Dean by the throat, lifting him off the ground for a moment, “And he did this for you, Dean-o. Just like every other stupid thing he’s done -”

Dean grabs Lucifer’s wrists and tries to fight back, tries to pull him away. 

“He did them for **_you_**.” 

“Cas,” Dean gasps out, managing to land a kick on Lucifer’s chest through the fire, “ _Please_.” 

Suddenly, Dean’s on the ground and dizzy. 

His vision is going a little fuzzy and he’s not sure if it’s from the lack of oxygen but it’s clear enough to see the light that’s threatening to explode in the ring. Lucifer’s fighting back against it, yelling in enochian which just seems to make the light grow bigger. 

It takes him a second to realize what’s going on before he scrambles to his feet and grabs the bucket of water, throwing it on the fire. 

“DEAN!” Sam sets a hand on his brother’s shoulder, pulling him away, “WE NEED TO LEAVE.” 

He tries to fight him off for a minute but when the ringing starts and windows of the warehouses around them start shattering, Dean lets his brother pull him away. 

Sam wraps an arm under Dean’s back and helps him run to the Impala.

The light is practically reaching the whole yard now with everything lit up and they barely make it to safety behind the Impala before the light explodes. 

They both get knocked on their asses and Sam at least has enough of his wits left about him to yell for Dean to cover his eyes. 

It feels like hours before the shipyard starts to dim but it’s probably more like two minutes. It doesn’t matter really because either way Dean’s up and running back over to Cas as soon as it’s dim enough to see without losing his eyes. 

“CAS!”

His voice sounds like he swallowed some gravel and his throat is absolutely killing him. God, there’s gonna be a bruise tomorrow. 

Dean spots Cas’ body on the ground in the middle of what’s left of the circle and his heart feels like it’s in his throat as he sprints over to it. There’s more blood than there was when he left but there’s no scorch marks and Dean’s praying to whatever deity is listening that Cas is okay.

“Cas,” he says quietly and more urgently when he reaches the ring. “ ** _Cas_**.” 

He drops to his knees without a second thought and ignores the sharp, shooting pains to lean over Cas and check his pulse. 

He’s suddenly having flashbacks to a stupid, ugly leather chair and a reaper he hated and now Dean’s having trouble breathing again. 

“No no no no...” Dean keeps chanting it over and over, frantically trying to find any sign that Cas was okay - something, **_anything_**. 

“Come on man, don’t do this to me,” he begs, his voice catching as he starts crying for real this time. “Don’t die, you asshole. I just said it, I just got the balls to fucking say it so you - you’re not allowed to die. I need you, remember?” 

He hears the footsteps behind him but doesn’t bother to look up then or when Sam sets a hand on his shoulder. 

“Dean...” 

He shakes his head, “Don’t. He’s -” Dean makes a slightly wounded noise, “He’s an angel, Sam. He’s fine, okay? They don’t...” He trails off for a moment before choking out a sob, “They probably don’t even have a pulse.” 

Dean sets a shaking hand on Cas’ face, praying that he’ll wake up.

They stay there for a few minutes, neither brother saying anything. It would be completely silent if it wasn’t for Dean’s crying and he can’t even find it in him to be embarrassed.

“You gotta wake up, man,” he whispers eventually, cupping Cas’ face in his hands. “You gotta wake up cause I can’t do any of this without you...” 

He closes his eyes and lets out a shuddering breath, “Please, man... wake up.” 

It takes a few minutes but eventually Dean feels some muscles move underneath his fingertips and his eyes snap open. 

Cas is watching him with tired, bleary eyes and he smiles, “Hello, Dean.” 

Dean just stares for a minute before letting out a slightly hysterical laugh and running a hand through Cas’ hair, “Hey yourself.” 

He helps Cas sit up slowly, never taking his hands off of him. Cas still looks like shit and he sounds even worse than normal and Dean’s pretty sure the whole state can hear how loudly his heart is beating. 

Sam left at some point to give Dean some time alone. 

It takes him and Cas a couple tries before they both manage to stand up and Dean slowly helps Cas to the car. 

“Sammy,” he calls out when they’re close enough for his brother to hear him, “A little help.” 

He’s never seen his brother’s head snap up so fast. 

Dean lets out a relieved breath when Sam is suddenly with them, supporting Cas’ other side as they walk the rest of the way to the Impala.

Cas manages to turn his head enough to smile, “Hello Sam.” 

“Hey,” Sam breathes out through a disbelieving laugh. “Good to see you, Cas.”

They lean him against the side of the car when they get there so Sam can clean off the back seat. Cas’ head falls onto Dean’s shoulder while they wait and his eyes close after barely a moment.

“Hey,” Dean says quietly and taps Cas’ cheeks, “You gotta stay with me, man.”

Castiel huffs against his neck and mumbles, “I am.” 

“Yeah ok grumpy,” Dean mumbles back, pulling Cas closer to him. 

Sam comes back over and takes over propping Cas up while Dean gets in the backseat. He helps carefully guide their friend into the Impala so he doesn’t hurt himself. Dean gently pulls Cas’ head down into his lap when his whole body is in and both brothers seem to relax a little. 

Sam quickly gets in the driver’s seat and starts the Impala, “Where to...?” 

“I’d like to go home, please,” Castiel mumbles, his eyes staying closed.

Dean chokes a little on his own tongue, “You mean to the bunker?” 

That gets Cas to open his eyes, just enough to squint up at him, “Yes. That’s what I said.” 

And Dean - god help him - feels his eyes start welling up again as he laughs, “Okay... yeah, okay. Let’s go home, Sammy.” 

 

* * *

 

 

_I need you when I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders,_   
_And I need you when I feel invincible,_   
_I will always need you,_   
_Do you understand that?_   
_So don’t say that you’ll be there for me if I ever need you,_   
_Because I’ve never stopped needing you."_

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [deansmom](deansmom.tumblr.com)
> 
> poem credit: [here](http://wnq-writers.com/post/140310372138/you-say-youll-be-there-for-me-when-i-need-you-i)


End file.
